Wednesday, February 02, 2005
SCREWIN' AMERICA (prophesy fulfilled)
It occurred to me this morning that the biggest problem America faces today is the fulfillment of a prophesy. One uttered by a college friend of mine some thirty years ago. The catalyst to this sudden flash of clarity was a news article recently published in the Columbus (OH) Dispatch. It seems that some state senator is sponsoring a bill that would place restrictions on what college professors can teach or discuss in a classroom setting. There have also been similar bills sponsored in Indiana (sometimes known as N. Mississippi), and Colorado. According to the bills sponsor, something has to be done to restrict what our kids are being taught, “because everybody knows that 80% of university faculty are card carrying communists or liberals”
Now, as I recall, part of the object of a university education is to expose young people to a broad range of ideas and force them to THINK, to consider ideas on their merits. And really, in this day and age, how many card carrying communists do you know? So, as I wondered how anyone so stupid could hold elective office, the conversation thirty years prior suddenly leapt out of my subconscious and into consciousness. Then I knew EXACTLY how this could have happened!
Somehow, the subject of having children had come up, and my friend Art ventured that he didn’t think he would have any. Now, Art was a great guy, and good with kids, so this really surprised me. He went on to explain it like this:
“By the time our kids grow up, America is gonna be screwed. It used to be that a smart woman would marry a smart man, one who could earn a good living and support her and the large number of children they would have together. Because her husband was clever and made a good living, she could stay home and take care of the kids and train them up properly. Since they could afford adequate health care, more of their brood survived and prospered. This insured that smart people outnumbered the dumb ones.
But now, smart women are going to college for more than their MRS degree. They are developing CAREERS! They may meet a smart guy and get married, but they don’t have the time or energy for large families and careers. So they have one, maybe two kids. Meanwhile, the idiots out here are breeding like flies on a carcass. By the time our children are grown up, America will be fucked. It will be over run by idiots!”
And now, our children are grown, and guess what? THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!
Art had a solution to the problem in mind. He thought that everyone with and IQ of less than 110 should be sterilized before they could pass on dumb genes to future generations. At the time I thought this seemed draconian. Now........
There used to be a saying in Victorian England that sex was the opera of the masses. In America today, NASCAR is the opera of the masses! One would think this would actually help hold down the idiot reproduction rate. But it turns out that NASCAR is the perfect sport for breeding.
Imagine Billy Bob and Bobbi Jean are sittin in the livin room of the single wide, watchin the race from Darlin'ton on the big screen (the 17”er). Bobbi Jean gets up to retrieve beers, when all the sudden Billy Bob shouts “Bobbi, come quick.....wreck! Itsa good un too!” She comes running in to see the carnage. It is exciting as hell! She’s excited, he’s excited. She says “that yeller flag is gonna be out for a while!” He says “yeah, I bet we can knock one off before they go back to green” as he starts to peel off her skin tight Daisy Dukes. “But the diaphram’s in the van!” “Don’t worry, I”ll pull out”. “Promise me”! “I promise!” “I REALLY mean it this time!”
Unfortunately, the green flag comes out quicker than they figured. Robby, Jeff, and Tony head up the straight-away and into the first turn three abreast. No love lost between these rivals. Billy Bob’s eyes are fixed on the screen. “DAMN” he says, then “oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” Nine months later, another fan of Dale Earnhart III is born!
Like I said, the involuntary sterilization program still seems draconian to me. Perhaps we need to offer incentives for smart people to have more kids. Offer free college educations to children whose parents both have an IQ of 115 or higher. You and your college sweetie both have an IQ over 110? Then you get 4 free weekends a year in the Marriot’s jacuzzi suite, plus all the beer and hard cider you can consume. IQ under 100, we tax your second born, and the tax gets progressively higher with each successive kid.
Adoption of these programs just might save America! But as long as idiots keep screwin'.....WE’RE FUCKED!
Now, as I recall, part of the object of a university education is to expose young people to a broad range of ideas and force them to THINK, to consider ideas on their merits. And really, in this day and age, how many card carrying communists do you know? So, as I wondered how anyone so stupid could hold elective office, the conversation thirty years prior suddenly leapt out of my subconscious and into consciousness. Then I knew EXACTLY how this could have happened!
Somehow, the subject of having children had come up, and my friend Art ventured that he didn’t think he would have any. Now, Art was a great guy, and good with kids, so this really surprised me. He went on to explain it like this:
“By the time our kids grow up, America is gonna be screwed. It used to be that a smart woman would marry a smart man, one who could earn a good living and support her and the large number of children they would have together. Because her husband was clever and made a good living, she could stay home and take care of the kids and train them up properly. Since they could afford adequate health care, more of their brood survived and prospered. This insured that smart people outnumbered the dumb ones.
But now, smart women are going to college for more than their MRS degree. They are developing CAREERS! They may meet a smart guy and get married, but they don’t have the time or energy for large families and careers. So they have one, maybe two kids. Meanwhile, the idiots out here are breeding like flies on a carcass. By the time our children are grown up, America will be fucked. It will be over run by idiots!”
And now, our children are grown, and guess what? THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!
Art had a solution to the problem in mind. He thought that everyone with and IQ of less than 110 should be sterilized before they could pass on dumb genes to future generations. At the time I thought this seemed draconian. Now........
There used to be a saying in Victorian England that sex was the opera of the masses. In America today, NASCAR is the opera of the masses! One would think this would actually help hold down the idiot reproduction rate. But it turns out that NASCAR is the perfect sport for breeding.
Imagine Billy Bob and Bobbi Jean are sittin in the livin room of the single wide, watchin the race from Darlin'ton on the big screen (the 17”er). Bobbi Jean gets up to retrieve beers, when all the sudden Billy Bob shouts “Bobbi, come quick.....wreck! Itsa good un too!” She comes running in to see the carnage. It is exciting as hell! She’s excited, he’s excited. She says “that yeller flag is gonna be out for a while!” He says “yeah, I bet we can knock one off before they go back to green” as he starts to peel off her skin tight Daisy Dukes. “But the diaphram’s in the van!” “Don’t worry, I”ll pull out”. “Promise me”! “I promise!” “I REALLY mean it this time!”
Unfortunately, the green flag comes out quicker than they figured. Robby, Jeff, and Tony head up the straight-away and into the first turn three abreast. No love lost between these rivals. Billy Bob’s eyes are fixed on the screen. “DAMN” he says, then “oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” Nine months later, another fan of Dale Earnhart III is born!
Like I said, the involuntary sterilization program still seems draconian to me. Perhaps we need to offer incentives for smart people to have more kids. Offer free college educations to children whose parents both have an IQ of 115 or higher. You and your college sweetie both have an IQ over 110? Then you get 4 free weekends a year in the Marriot’s jacuzzi suite, plus all the beer and hard cider you can consume. IQ under 100, we tax your second born, and the tax gets progressively higher with each successive kid.
Adoption of these programs just might save America! But as long as idiots keep screwin'.....WE’RE FUCKED!
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GWB-- Outstandingly well done. I have long been a proponent of mandatory sterilization before puberty with full reversal obtainable only upon proof that one can properly parent and pay for a family.
I'm sick of paying for someone else's stupid kids when I elect to not have them. I don't want to afford them. I don't want to have to be responsible. So I don't have kids. I should be the one passing on my useful genetics and I am not, but every idiot that can find the hole has a small trailerload.
It goes deeper than money. In tomorrow's world you'll have to be skilled and clever to survive. There are no jobs for unskilled labor anymore and these kids will be cinderblocks around the nation's economic neck until they die. They'll produce 10 defective offspring in the process.
I urge you to find an MP3 of "The Idiots Have Taken Over" by NOFX. It also hits the nail on the head.
I'm sick of paying for someone else's stupid kids when I elect to not have them. I don't want to afford them. I don't want to have to be responsible. So I don't have kids. I should be the one passing on my useful genetics and I am not, but every idiot that can find the hole has a small trailerload.
It goes deeper than money. In tomorrow's world you'll have to be skilled and clever to survive. There are no jobs for unskilled labor anymore and these kids will be cinderblocks around the nation's economic neck until they die. They'll produce 10 defective offspring in the process.
I urge you to find an MP3 of "The Idiots Have Taken Over" by NOFX. It also hits the nail on the head.
This post reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode I saw @ 15-20 years ago where a child at a certain age would be tested and if they didn't score high enough would be disposed of. Stupid people will be the new cattle of the future and we will have to feed on them because we've killed everything else or don't want to get mad cow.
Great Post, Griz. I'd like to keep it simple here. One word that should be on the lips of every student. McCarthyism.
It's like so many of my friends say. You have to pass a test to have a drivers license, but they let just anyone have a child. And that whole NASCAR thing had me cracking up!
I've often found myself wondering this same thing. However, I can't think of anything that is a larger violation of human rights than denying someone the right to found a family.
The whole point of college is to learn a breadth of ideas and experience things beyond your current scope. To learn to dissect problems and issues.
I also agree with the comment that true intelligence is rarely linked to IQs. I work at a University and lemme tell ya - I'm surrounded by idiots.
I think this is more of a class issue. If we created a world where no one had to hold 3 jobs to pay the rent and in doing so could not be involved in their children's lives - we would have far more well-adjusted children. Yes you'd still have the rich assholes who send Muffy off to boarding school where she winds up with an eating disorder because she's expected to be perfect in every way. But most of our idiots come from areas where the primary and secondary schools can't afford to teach "extraneous" subjects like philosophy, psychology, social sciences and art. They would then begin to "breed out" the idiots in the next generation.
The whole point of college is to learn a breadth of ideas and experience things beyond your current scope. To learn to dissect problems and issues.
I also agree with the comment that true intelligence is rarely linked to IQs. I work at a University and lemme tell ya - I'm surrounded by idiots.
I think this is more of a class issue. If we created a world where no one had to hold 3 jobs to pay the rent and in doing so could not be involved in their children's lives - we would have far more well-adjusted children. Yes you'd still have the rich assholes who send Muffy off to boarding school where she winds up with an eating disorder because she's expected to be perfect in every way. But most of our idiots come from areas where the primary and secondary schools can't afford to teach "extraneous" subjects like philosophy, psychology, social sciences and art. They would then begin to "breed out" the idiots in the next generation.
Too many people still think it's mandatory to "Go forth and multiply" 'cause it says so in the Bible.
Look around, people, we're gonna multiply ourselves out of a place to live.
And, as has been mentioned here elsewhere, why should the childless (me, for instance) get no tax break, even though we're not adding to the overall burden, while people who can't quite seem to grasp the concept of birth control get new tax breaks every time mom's water breaks?
*sigh* This is not meant to be hatin' on parents or Christians. Not all of 'em, anyway. Just the ever-pregnant Jesus zombies.
Look around, people, we're gonna multiply ourselves out of a place to live.
And, as has been mentioned here elsewhere, why should the childless (me, for instance) get no tax break, even though we're not adding to the overall burden, while people who can't quite seem to grasp the concept of birth control get new tax breaks every time mom's water breaks?
*sigh* This is not meant to be hatin' on parents or Christians. Not all of 'em, anyway. Just the ever-pregnant Jesus zombies.
"the ever pregnant Jesus zombies". God, what a great line...wish I'da thought of it! You, m'dear, have a great talent for turning a phrase. Which is why I keep talking up your blog. (www.bucky4eyes.blogspot.com)
Heh, after I posted I wondered if that didn't sound a little bitchy, even with the disclaimer. I guess it really does, but glad it made you smile! :)
Fucking Hilarious! So true too! I was merely googling "IQ less than 110 should be sterilized", and didn't really expect any good hits; I was wrong!
Inevitably, we will "cum" to the point where manditory vasectomy is a relaity. Breed, consume, breed, consume - A seemingly endless cycle until carrying capacity is met...
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Inevitably, we will "cum" to the point where manditory vasectomy is a relaity. Breed, consume, breed, consume - A seemingly endless cycle until carrying capacity is met...
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