Thursday, April 28, 2005



I swear, there is something weird going on. I don't know if some terrorist has dumped estrogen in the drinking water, or if it's the revenge of Dr. Frank N. Furter, or what! But men are suddenly being emasculated at an alarming rate! I first noticed this trend on my favorite morning radio show, ESPN"s "Mike and Mike In The Morning" It started innocently enough. In honor of the NFL draft, they started playing ABBA's 'Take A Chance On Me". But very quickly, things got out of hand. Professional football players were singing along to ABBA songs! Lions' Pres. Matt Millen talking about going to see the Broadway show Mama Mia, then singing excerpts from the songs in the show. Then this morning, on the shows TV simulcast, there was just a very disturbing site. There, for the whole world to see, was former Notre Dame and Philadelphia Eagles defensive lineman Mike Golic singing "Dancing Queen". Trust me, the general populace should NEVER, EVER, EVER be subjected to the sight of a 310 lb. man singing "Dancing Queen"! But it gets worse!

On my lunch hour, I happened to open up iTunes. There is a list of the 10 songs that get the most play on your computer. And THERE IT WAS! Two of the top three were songs by CHER! My god, I am listening to CHER more than anyone else? I might just as well put on a f**king cocktail dress and belt out Ethel Merman showtunes!

I promise to listen to nothing but Leonard Skynard, the Alman Bros, Bob Seger and Jimmy Buffet for the next few weeks, or until my itunes list looks more impressive!

So, here's the list of what's playing most on my computer, what's on yours?

1. Just Like Jesse James CHER
2. Tangled Up In Blue BOB DYLAN
3. If I Could Turn Back Time CHER
5. Kiss Me SIXPENCE NONE THE RICHER (okay, this is REALLY embarrassing, but I love this song, and Leigh Nash)
6. Spiders WILCO
7. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams GREEN DAY
8. Damn Good Disguise MENDOZA LINE
9. Evangelina HOYT AXTON
10. Dear John AIMEE MANN

GAWD! 2 Cher's, Aimee Mann, Sixpence: None the Richer....WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!!!

Speaking of men in dresses... I usually have a lot of respect for local congressman Fred Upton (R-Mich). However, with an emerging oil crisis, social security underfunding, the falling dollar, the trade deficit, falling consumer confidence, a slowing economy, you would think he'd have a lot of very important business to take care of in Congress. But what is the burning issue in Fred's mind? Drug testing in sports! Yeah, Fred's so upset about the steroid thing he is pushing a bill to force all pro sports to conform to the drug test standard of the Olympics.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am against steroid use in sports. I hate cheaters every bit as much as the next guy (unless, of course, they get traded to my team ala Chris Chelios). But we have plenty of laws in place to prosecute drug offenders. And, if the fans care enough (which, judging by skyrocketing baseball attendance, they don't), sports leagues will protect their revenue by cracking down even further.

But really, Fred, DON'T YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT FISH TO FRY? Perhaps you might take a stab at something like, oh, THE ENERGY CRISIS!


Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?