Wednesday, January 03, 2007



Yeah, once again, God is talking to Pat Robertson. And if history is any guide , we can only conclude that either Pat needs a hearing aid, or God mumbles badly.

God is always talking to Robertson. Someone more cynical than myself might conclude that God doesn't seem to be particularly reliable. But my personal theory is that Robertson is playing Charlie Brown to God's Lucy. God keeps taunting Robertson with that football, and gullible old Pat just can't resist trying to kick it!

here are just a few of the things that God has whispered in Pat's ear previously:

1. Russia to invade Israel in 1982. I don't recall seeing any soldiers wearing rabbit skin hats goose stepping their way through Jerusalem narrow streets. I think I would remember that!

2. World wide economic collapse in 1985. Hmphh. Don't recall that happening either.

3. Jay Rockefeller to be elected president in 1996. 1996 was well after my dazed and confused decade. I am almost positive this didn't come to pass.

4. 2005 to be extraordinary year of prosperity. According to Robertson, "the American stock market is going to surge upward, if I heard from the Lord." The stock market finished down for 2005.

5. George Bush will have spectacularly successful 2005. The Gospel according to Pat: "Well, the Lord has some very encouraging news for George Bush ... What I heard is that Bush is now positioned to have victory after victory and that his second term is going to be one of triumph, which is pretty strong stuff. ... He'll have Social Security reform passed..." LOL, I am pretty sure George will tell you that 2005 wasn't exactly a spectacular success. Social Security reform? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

6. God also told Pat that 2005 would see massive numbers of Muslims converting to Christianity. Seems to have missed that one too!

7. 2006: Tsunami to hit US coast. Ya know, you'd think Pat would quit listening after while.

But Pat IS listening again. And this time God is telling him of a massive attack, possibly nuclear, that will affect millions of Americans and possibly numerous cities. It is to happen sometime after September.

The thing that amazes and saddens me is how many seemingly normal, intelligent people buy into this shit. After all the years of Pat putting his foot in his mouth, his show still remains one of the most popular on daytime TV. And I will guarantee you that thousands of people all over the country are suddenly frantically updating their emergency foodstuffs, fuel, batteries and checking out those gas masks. But haven't we all seen this behavior before, sometimes in folks we love and have always respected?

Back in the mid 80's, a couple we had been close to for many years moved to Florida. We didn't hear much from them for a couple of years, then all at once we started getting frantic letters and phone calls from them begging me (never my wife, hmmm...) to get my life right with the Lord. They knew a NASA scientist, Edgar Whisenuat who had figured out mathematically the exact time of Christ's return. And they would feel so awful if I got left behind. Well, I assured them I was touched by their concern, but was pretty well satisfied with my life, and would take my chances.

So, on Oct. 11, 1988, my friends sat on a damp, rainy Florida beach, along with thousands of other true believers, waiting for a Christ who would never show up. I can't tell you how badly I felt for them. But, amazingly, they came through the experience their faith fully in tact, as if the whole thing never happened. It was like their minds denied that it ever happened.

I am always amazed at the minds ability to deny the perfectly obvious, and believe when all evidence points to the contrary. I guess that's how Bush manages to believe we aren't losing in Iraq.

Great post; I LOVED the last sentence!
Robertson's not the only one spouting disaster prophesies. There's all kinds of cultish types out there predicting the demise of XY & Z. I think that there are so many spiritually bankrupt people out there now that they need to cling to something to make their world make sense. Even if what they're choosing to believe makes no sense to rational people. That's what's so sad to me.
I wonder what kind of drugs he's doing to get these hallucinations? Maybe a squeeze of sterno before dinner?
You could not create a funnier, more tragic figure in fiction. To think that a God (if he/she existed) cares about the stock market or social security reform is classic. Pat's dementia knows no bounds. Great post.
This is one of your best and funniest posts of all time, Mark. God and Pat Robertson as Lucy and good old Charlie Brown? That's inspired. Stay pissed, my friend!
First off - Floridians are crazy man. Some of the most freaky, speak-in-tongues, snake-handling, praise-the-lord whackos come from Florida. I say we get a giant jigsaw and just set them adrift toward Cuba.

If Robertson didn't have such a serious following, I'd simply find him entertaining - like Mel Gibson, or the guy in the park that talks to himself all day. But he has people who believe him - so that makes him scary and dangerous.

For Pat and his followers, I have two words for them as they follow their path to the afterlife: Bring Marshmallows. They're not going to the happy place.

And of COURSE it has to be September - just before the elections...
Pat Robinson is amazing. I've seen him doing his rambling thing a few times on the 700 Club and just couldn't change channel. I was mesmerised by this clearly senile old man pronouncing on world events. I think it's a real shame that people who love him (I'm sure that someone must) allow someone probably with Altzheimers to make such a fool of himself on TV.
In't he like Bushs both and Clinton holding up the double horn Masinic symbol...? Hm unbelievable
You mean God's latest conversation with him didn't mention anything about Gays being the cause of all the world's ills? I feel somehow we've been bumped to the "B" list. *sniff, sniff*
I heard about this on the news the other day. Its kind of funny really. I cant believe hes doing this.I am not real political when it comes to this stuff but I do listen to the news and find some of the stuff funny.
Glad we don't have his sort out here
I haven't figured out yet if Robertson is senile, crazy, deluded, or some funky combination of the three. Whatever he is, he should (as Ian Punnett suggested on CNN) consider the possibility that God is punkin' him.
Wasn't he going to be called home?
I think that was oral roberts
Hahaha - I'm watching the Simpsons episode where Homer "predicts" the Rapture. After reading this blog is has a whole new humor to it. :)
Zombies? Didn't Pat Robertson ask God about zombies? If so, what did God say? I need to know what God said. If not, Pat Robertson's useless.
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